For the Love of the Game?

08/25/22

It wasn’t until recently as I reflected on my journey as a former athlete that I started thinking about the relationship I had with sports throughout my career. More specifically, how similar being in a relationship with a person is to having a relationship with your sport. For example, both require commitment, loyalty, love, and you inevitably experience ups and downs.

It got me thinking, how often do we stop to ask athletes do you love your sport? Is your involvement truly “for the love of the game?” At almost every intake session with a new athlete one of the first questions I ask is, how would you describe your relationship with your sport? I think we can all agree love is an essential, if not the most important ingredient in a healthy relationship, so why wouldn’t this apply to an athletes’ relationship with their sport?

I think we get so focused on outcomes that we can miss the importance of evaluating the relationship and process associated with being an athlete. Depending on how much an athlete reports they “love” or feel “connected” to their sport is closely related to motivation, happiness, and longevity in sport based on what I’ve observed working with athletes.

So if an athlete isn’t playing “for the love of the game” what’s their “why”? External pressure and social comparison can be a strong force that I hear from a lot of high school and collegiate athletes. The pressure can come from their parents, coaches, friends, teammates, or social perception of wanting to achieve the privileged athlete status.

Is an athletes’ motivation for playing their sport internally or externally motivated? Are they playing for the love of the game for them personally, or to receive love/favor from someone in their life who loves for them to play the game?

We all know someone who has been in a relationship with someone who everyone loved or was “perfect on paper” but they personally did not love the person and the relationship didn’t last. I believe the same is true in sports. We can force, strongly encourage, or pressure athletes to play their sport, but if the “love” doesn’t exist for them personally the longevity and happiness in the relationship is not built to last.

So what do we do when we uncover an athletes’ love for their sport is weak or struggling? I think asking the tough question of is this relationship salvageable? Does your athlete feel like they can rediscover or reconnect to their love for the game, or has the fire completely gone out? This answer often takes time to flesh out (just like before ending any serious relationship), so having patience and providing support while the athlete figures this out is key.

Whether the athlete decides to end their relationship with their sport or work on it, I think it’s important to recognize both decisions can come with unique challenges. Transitioning out of sport or finding motivation/love to keep playing can both be hard. This is where providing athletes with support regardless of their decision, and/or a willingness to get them connected to a professional who can help is an important step.

It’s our job to let our athletes know that regardless of whether or not their love of the game fades, the love and support of their family, friends, coaches, and teammates never will.